Well done you have done show not tell so you have grabbed the readers attention by keeping the reader thinking by the ellipses. You do not need to do the words twice.
I liked it because you were using good show not tell and how you described the setting.The things that you should improve on are maybe adding in a few similes or metaphors.For example the trees were as dark as a haunted house.
Great job Ronnie you used show not tell which is good . You also used suspense which I like.
I did not get the pant pant bit I think you should improve that.
By Brian
I like this piece of writing because the suspense E.G. he ran he ran but there was no escape. The things you could improve are similes and metaphors to show how the person feels like in a situation E.G. my heart skipping a beat thinking if I would see day light again. Just make sure you use similes and metaphors when you blog.
Well done you have done show not tell so you have grabbed the readers attention by keeping the reader thinking by the ellipses. You do not need to do the words twice.
I liked it because you were using good show not tell and how you described the setting.The things that you should improve on are maybe adding in a few similes or metaphors.For example the trees were as dark as a haunted house.
Great job Ronnie you used show not tell which is good . You also used suspense which I like.
I did not get the pant pant bit I think you should improve that.
By Brian
I like this piece of writing because the suspense E.G. he ran he ran but there was no escape. The things you could improve are similes and metaphors to show how the person feels like in a situation E.G. my heart skipping a beat thinking if I would see day light again. Just make sure you use similes and metaphors when you blog.
From Archie
Great use of suspence! It gave me a shiver down my spine