Well done Alma I love all the great words you have put. All you have to do is add a bit more suspence like instead of saying ice cream say “it was there” that would create a bit more suspence.
Well done Alma you described eating ice cream brilliantly, I liked the way you said ‘It was curing my rumbling tummy’.This is because I could feel what you felt when it cured your rum rumbling tummy.What do you mean? When you say ‘There was a hole in my tongue’,you cold explain it more clearly. Otherwise great!
Well done Alma I love all the great words you have put. All you have to do is add a bit more suspence like instead of saying ice cream say “it was there” that would create a bit more suspence.
Well done Alma you described eating ice cream brilliantly, I liked the way you said ‘It was curing my rumbling tummy’.This is because I could feel what you felt when it cured your rum rumbling tummy.What do you mean? When you say ‘There was a hole in my tongue’,you cold explain it more clearly. Otherwise great!
Kirin
Really good. Great use of saying ‘I screram’ instead of saying ice-cream.