Very good use of suspense, also good job with the ellipsis. but maybe use some commas and full stops.
Vincent and Sumayyah
Omar I think you should use more commas and full stop. Well done for building ellipses which creates suspense.
Well done Omar you used show not tell to create suspense. I really like your simile. Try not to use many I,my, it and the you can use adverbial .
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Very good use of suspense,
also good job with the ellipsis.
but maybe use some commas and full stops.
Vincent and Sumayyah
Omar I think you should use more commas and full stop. Well done for building ellipses which creates suspense.
Well done Omar you used show not tell to create suspense. I really like your simile. Try not to use many I,my, it and the you can use adverbial .