Check back over your work and some of the sentences because they don’t make sense. Spelling mistakes as well, also you need to use more full stops and not so many commas. I think personally you should work on your punctuation and the way you describe certain things.
Some great ideas. However comma’s do not replace full stop and remember when I is a pro noun it is I.
Great use of adjectives and tension but you made a spelling mistake and forgot a lot of punctuation.
You need more punctuation but the rest is good
Saida that is a brilliant poem. But you need more punctuation your short sentences were my favourite.
Fantastic paragraph, you could of created more tention if you put ellipsis and I would really like to know more.
You got really good ideas but do not replace a comma after a comma.
You need fall-stops and spelling.Most of it don’t make sense. You need more punctuation
Check back over your work and some of the sentences because they don’t make sense. Spelling mistakes as well, also you need to use more full stops and not so many commas. I think personally you should work on your punctuation and the way you describe certain things.