Excellent use of show not tell with ‘beads of sweat’. Be careful with your spelling eg – new – should be knew…you could have used a metaphor or simile for the floor being cold.
Brilliant descriptiion “dilapidated church” in some cases you added in extra information where you did not need to,at the beginning you wrote the church felt dead i thought that i make sense and it didn’t need to be there.
Fantastic Suspense Mae!
I really liked the way you built it up through the story.
A good bit of suspense will always keep a reader on the edge of his seat!
Adara
Fantastic Mae you put loads of detail into your piece of writing. The reason why I liked it was because you put speech, similes and metaphors and you put the ellipsis into it. You could improve it by putting simple sentences.
Fantastic Job From Tamzin
You made me terrified when I read this poem. But you should improve on show not tell for like the sentence, behind me was a clattering of the handle turning you could change into the screaming of a clattering nob of death opened the door to bring more suspense into your work. over all you did the best you could.
You made me terrified when I read this peace of art! But you should improve on show not tell for like the sentence, behind me was a clattering of the handle turning you could change into the screaming of a clattering nob of death opened the door to bring more suspense into your work. over all you did the best you could.
Excellent use of show not tell with ‘beads of sweat’. Be careful with your spelling eg – new – should be knew…you could have used a metaphor or simile for the floor being cold.
Brilliant descriptiion “dilapidated church” in some cases you added in extra information where you did not need to,at the beginning you wrote the church felt dead i thought that i make sense and it didn’t need to be there.
Fantastic Suspense Mae!
I really liked the way you built it up through the story.
A good bit of suspense will always keep a reader on the edge of his seat!
Adara
Fantastic Mae you put loads of detail into your piece of writing. The reason why I liked it was because you put speech, similes and metaphors and you put the ellipsis into it. You could improve it by putting simple sentences.
Fantastic Job From Tamzin
Great show without telling .
I really wanted to know what was going to happen next (great suspense).
Loving the use of words(dilapidated).
Mae fantastic adjectives my best part you have great details.
You made me terrified when I read this poem. But you should improve on show not tell for like the sentence, behind me was a clattering of the handle turning you could change into the screaming of a clattering nob of death opened the door to bring more suspense into your work. over all you did the best you could.
from Charlie.
You made me terrified when I read this peace of art! But you should improve on show not tell for like the sentence, behind me was a clattering of the handle turning you could change into the screaming of a clattering nob of death opened the door to bring more suspense into your work. over all you did the best you could.
from Charlie.