Amazing poem,
I really like your repetition of ‘Boom! Boom’,
You have a great rhythm,
However sentences like:
‘Somewhere in the distance a crow screeched but that was not what I was afraid of…’
‘Lush green grass under my feet’
lose the rhythm.
You could replace the line ‘Somewhere in the distance a crow screeched but that was not what I was afraid of…’ with:
‘Screech’,
The crow cried,
But that was nothing,
To the real threat!
I really want to know what happens next because your words make the poem have suspense e.g. My brain a storm of thoughts,
Amazing poem,
I really like your repetition of ‘Boom! Boom’,
You have a great rhythm,
However sentences like:
‘Somewhere in the distance a crow screeched but that was not what I was afraid of…’
‘Lush green grass under my feet’
lose the rhythm.
You could replace the line ‘Somewhere in the distance a crow screeched but that was not what I was afraid of…’ with:
‘Screech’,
The crow cried,
But that was nothing,
To the real threat!
Finn
I liked how you left us on a really good cliff hanger but instead of using boom boom again you could use something else e.g. a parade of thudding.