AWESOME!!!
Amazing but you use lots of I.
Great Piece of work! Love the ending with the cliff hanger but you have used I way too many times otherwise it is Great! 🙂 From Naomi and Finn
Great start I really enjoyed the story about the mysterious creature.
I really liked the way that you didn’t tell us where you were and explained your surroundings so that it created an image in my head.
great story, but you used I too many times but apart from that a great story
Woah way to many I ‘s but like it.
Amazing work, maybe you can try using less commas and less ‘I’s’
Great story, the description was really good but the brackets ruined the atmosphere. Over all it was an awesome piece.
The story was good, but you used to many ‘I’ EllieMay
I like your work and your is good and nice from Niyah
I liked your story but the brackets make it less powerful
You have used so many I’s but otherwise I really like the story.
Great story, I like all of the description and how you left us on a cliff-hanger. A couple of times, you spelt Rufus differently. 😀 From Olly And Ben( Heracles)
I enjoyed this i liked the bit when the snake bit its hand but your character needs a name
Great but you over used the letter I.
Great opening, the story is amazing and it has very powerful words we love the Idea of the people boiling in the cauldron
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AWESOME!!!
Amazing but you use lots of I.
Great Piece of work!
Love the ending with the cliff hanger but you have used I way too many times otherwise it is Great!
🙂
From Naomi and Finn
Great start I really enjoyed the story about the mysterious creature.
I really liked the way that you didn’t tell us where you were and explained your surroundings so that it created an image in my head.
great story, but you used I too many times but apart from that a great story
Woah way to many I ‘s but like it.
Amazing work, maybe you can try using less commas and less ‘I’s’
Great story, the description was really good but the brackets ruined the atmosphere. Over all it was an awesome piece.
The story was good, but you used to many ‘I’
EllieMay
I like your work and your is good and nice from Niyah
I liked your story but the brackets make it less powerful
You have used so many I’s but otherwise I really like the story.
Great story, I like all of the description and how you left us on a cliff-hanger. A couple of times, you spelt Rufus differently. 😀 From Olly And Ben( Heracles)
I enjoyed this i liked the bit when the snake bit its hand but your character needs a name
Great but you over used the letter I.
Great opening, the story is amazing and it has very powerful words we love the Idea of the people boiling in the cauldron