A great opening, but too many errors, missing letters and punctuation. You could have elaborated with some past events between the two characters or elaborated on Leonards plans.
I kept doing mistakes because I saw that I didn’t have much time and then I tried to finish really quickly. 😛 .
I tried to add in things it didn’t with writing so I tried to make it clear that he was angry and wanted to get revenge 🙂 .
Thanks to Orpa and Saskia for showing me how the Tufnell Park school blog works – and for Saskia explaining I should start my comments with a capital letter! I really enjoyed reading the diary entries.Thank you !
There’s real emotion in your first sentence, Orpa; some extremely well-chosen words, including the repeated “six whole years…” that sets up the entry perfectly. The structure – the way you move through the ideas – is thoughtful too, but yes, I agree with Mr Shuttleworth regarding your punctuation. Try to develop greater control of your writing, through grammar and punctuation, as this will help your ambitious ideas become clearer to the reader. Well done!
A great opening, but too many errors, missing letters and punctuation. You could have elaborated with some past events between the two characters or elaborated on Leonards plans.
I kept doing mistakes because I saw that I didn’t have much time and then I tried to finish really quickly. 😛 .
I tried to add in things it didn’t with writing so I tried to make it clear that he was angry and wanted to get revenge 🙂 .
I liked that you showed that you used to like Lia and now you hate her, the start was really confusing because you said six years,six whole years ;]
Thanks to Orpa and Saskia for showing me how the Tufnell Park school blog works – and for Saskia explaining I should start my comments with a capital letter! I really enjoyed reading the diary entries.Thank you !
There’s real emotion in your first sentence, Orpa; some extremely well-chosen words, including the repeated “six whole years…” that sets up the entry perfectly. The structure – the way you move through the ideas – is thoughtful too, but yes, I agree with Mr Shuttleworth regarding your punctuation. Try to develop greater control of your writing, through grammar and punctuation, as this will help your ambitious ideas become clearer to the reader. Well done!