I absolutely love it it is short snappy and really brings the tension. the only thing I would say is that the phrase ‘ then I heard a loud scream’ doesn’t really go.
It was really good Bowie, because you used a ellipses and it formed a cliff hanger. It was very interesting that you used it at the end of your poem as it made the reader guess what that will happen. At the start of your poem you need to put he’s instead of he because if you say, He is the pitch black woods instead you can put, he’s in the pitch black woods.
I absolutely love it it is short snappy and really brings the tension. the only thing I would say is that the phrase ‘ then I heard a loud scream’ doesn’t really go.
Great piece of work Bowie,
try to stick to one tense though,
and also add some commas and full stops.
Well done Bowie. But try to keep to one tense.
It was really good Bowie, because you used a ellipses and it formed a cliff hanger. It was very interesting that you used it at the end of your poem as it made the reader guess what that will happen. At the start of your poem you need to put he’s instead of he because if you say, He is the pitch black woods instead you can put, he’s in the pitch black woods.
From your Freddie.