Check spellings and there is a few mistakes in there such as:
” at the floor suddenly I heard I voice ”
That should be:
“at the floor, suddenly, I heard a voice”
See the difference? Also lose some of the “I”s because there are loads in there so maybe look up and use some pronouns such as he, she, me, her, him. As well as that, there are 120 words. Check on these errors:
-suprize (EDIT: suprise)
-pancake day (EDIT: Pancake Day)
-suddenly I heard I voice (EDIT: suddenly, I heard a voice)
Also, stop the repitition apart from when you are doing it for affect such as you repeated Pancake Day and mum quite a lot so again, pronouns.
I look forwards to reading your next blog if you take this advice on board. And remember EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. It is very important.
Saifir
A few mistakes to be corrected Demi but apart from that, Well done
Check spellings and there is a few mistakes in there such as:
” at the floor suddenly I heard I voice ”
That should be:
“at the floor, suddenly, I heard a voice”
See the difference? Also lose some of the “I”s because there are loads in there so maybe look up and use some pronouns such as he, she, me, her, him. As well as that, there are 120 words. Check on these errors:
-suprize (EDIT: suprise)
-pancake day (EDIT: Pancake Day)
-suddenly I heard I voice (EDIT: suddenly, I heard a voice)
Also, stop the repitition apart from when you are doing it for affect such as you repeated Pancake Day and mum quite a lot so again, pronouns.
I look forwards to reading your next blog if you take this advice on board. And remember EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. It is very important.
Saifir
There was a few spelling mistakes and you used I way too much but apart from that good.