Well done Saskia! We really like the way you help us picture the scene. In particular we liked the metaphor about the ocean and when you talk about how the kid is feeling, e.g. tears rolling down and hands shaking. Next time remember to vary the way you begin your sentences, so that you do not start with ‘I…’ so many times. Perhaps a different combination of colours for background and text would help us read easily. Do you think you’d like to become an author when you grow up?
By Columba class
I really liked your writing I even imagined it in my head e.g. we arrived at the station, the smoke trailed from the engine almost choking me. I suggest you to change font colour because you can’t see the writing well. Do you think that your writing is good?
by Anna-Maria
Well done Saskia! We really like the way you help us picture the scene. In particular we liked the metaphor about the ocean and when you talk about how the kid is feeling, e.g. tears rolling down and hands shaking. Next time remember to vary the way you begin your sentences, so that you do not start with ‘I…’ so many times. Perhaps a different combination of colours for background and text would help us read easily. Do you think you’d like to become an author when you grow up?
By Columba class
I really liked your writing I even imagined it in my head e.g. we arrived at the station, the smoke trailed from the engine almost choking me. I suggest you to change font colour because you can’t see the writing well. Do you think that your writing is good?
by Anna-Maria
I really like the description amazing:)
So good I fell like I’m the story. 🙂